Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Tuesday's Question - Why did I name my blog?

As all my fellow bloggers know, you need to name your blog when you are first creating it on day one. It's a name that you will be known by, so it needs to be something meaningful (to you) and requires some thought as to what it will be.

I am a first time mom and never blogged before, so for me, it was kind of a easy one to come up with. But there was a bigger meaning behind it (in my head!). It goes deeper than just the name. I never knew about the blogging world at all and discovered it by accident while I was pregnant. But for those of you that don't know me, before I had Julianna, I was not the type of person that was good with kids. Actually I pretty much wanted nothing to do with kids at all. Couldn't be bothered. It just was not "for me". I know that sounds cruel, but it's the way I felt. I would have been fine never having any children. Screaming or whining children in restaurants or food stores annoyed me. Kids running through the stores annoyed me. The thought of baby puke, poop, spit up and drool made me gag.

Everyone said to me before I had Jules and while I was pregnant that I would change. Yeah right. They said 'When it's your own, it's different'. Phhht, we'll see about that. I didn't believe it. I had no bond to her while I was pregnant. I didn't feel like the other mothers in my birthing class did. In my birthing class, they all said "Oh I can't wait to meet our little baby and hold him" - Sorry but I never felt that way. Was there something wrong with me? I was convinced there had to be! My husband assured me over & over that nothing was wrong with me and that I was allowed to feel however I wanted.

I was terrified of giving birth and absolutely frightened of what was to come after. I didn't care about having a beautiful birthing experience, I just wanted as little pain as possible and get her out quick (Well, after 12 hours of labor, I ended up having a C-section due to some comlications that came up).
I was secretly convinced my marriage would be ruined by this child (like I see with so many other marriages). Our marriage was perfect already, why mess with it by bringing this intruder into our lives?! I had sooo many fears that it blurred my vision of my impending motherhood. I was scared how my life would change ... for the worst, I was convinced.

Enter Julianna.

The minute she was born, all those fears, anxieties and horrible feelings went out the window instantly. I was blindsided. I felt this instant bond and love like I never knew I could feel. You can't help it, it just happens. I almost died when they had to move Julianna to the NICU at another hospital. I couldn't bear the feeling of going home without her. I felt like a piece of me was missing. Who knew I would feel like this?! I felt so empty inside until we were able to bring her home from the NICU 6 days later.

It's the feeling that makes my heart ache when I look into her eyes and feel the incredible love that I have for her. It's the feeling that makes you know you would sacrifice your own life for your child. It's the feeling that you want to protect this beautiful & innocent baby from anything bad in the world. It's the feeling of wanting to teach her everything and show her all that there is to know. It's the feeling of wanting to give every ounce of love to her that you are humanly capable of giving. It's the feeling that bonds you so close, nothing can ever break that bond. Nothing.

It's the feeling that brought Brian and I even closer together and the love we have is way more powerful than I could have ever imagined. When I see Brian interacting with Julianna, there are no words to describe how incredibly happy it makes me feel. I am blessed to have such a beautiful child and husband in my life. What did I do to deserve this? No one could ever have explained this to me. Never. You have to experience it for yourself.

I know it sounds corny - but I think it affected me even more because I did not anticipate it at all. This child has changed me (our) life in ways I never ever could have known or thought about before. I love our little family. I am even more sorry that I almost never wanted children. To think I never would have known this love if we never had a child.

OK enough of that stuff. So yes, the name of my blog has meaning to me because being a "First time mother" has meant so much more to me than I ever imagined.

So I ask this -
What are some of the inspirations behind your blog names?

Here is my inspiration. I love this girl more than life itself.
My heart bursts every morning when I see her for ths first time.






14 comments:

  1. Wonderful post, m'dear. Now you know what it's like. You are a fabulous mother and Brian is a fabulous father and that's all there is to it. You are stronger now as 3, than you were as 2.

    Love is the answer.

    Yvette
    P.S. I love the name of your blog.
    Great choice.

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  2. "My husband assured me over & over that nothing was wrong with me and that I was allowed to feel however I wanted." Brian's a keeper, Skye, I know you know that but just by that one sentence, I know that he is, what my mom would say, "good people". Children don't break up marriages, there was something not right with those marriages from the get-go, IMHO. Marriage and having children is damn hard work and must be tended to. Yes, the most glorious hard work EVER but worth every second!Great post Skye, you've captured perfectly what it's like to become a parent!

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  3. Wonderful post! And I love the meaning behind your blog name. The meaning behind my blog name (3 hearts, un amor) is quite simple actually. I started my blog shortly after Sophia was born. I wanted to incorporate the love and bond between the 3 members of our newly created family into my blog name. I decided to make use the spanish word love (amor) instead of english to represent my husband who is hispanic and Sophia's heritage. So my blog name has pretty special meaning to our family :)

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  4. Skye what a truly beautiful post I can remember like it was yesterday discussing our fears of pregnancy and what was to come. You said it best in this blog about life pre-baby and now. I wouldnt trade it for anything!

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  5. Yvette/Nana - Thank you - Yes we are the FAB3.

    Stacia- thank you !!

    Jean - well, in hindsight, you are correct, those marriages were in trouble to begin with... but I chose to see it the other way at the time :) (Now I know better!)

    Aimee - thanks and that is so sweet how you got your blog name by incorporating daddy too! Isn't it great that we can all record our babies growing up on our blogs for them to read later in life?!

    Nicole - Oh yes. I remember those days. ALl in all, we were both lucky that we had good pregnancies at least - it was the anxieties that were bad for me LOL

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  6. Good post. No, great post. If you don't mind, I'm going to answer your question and link to your post through my blog.

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  7. I think it's really brave of you to admit all of that stuff. I too had a lot of the same fears, and it is refreshing to hear I wasn't alone. I know what you mean though, as soon as you see your little one, those fears are gone. What a good story and meaning behind your blog.

    I named mine not just baby talk b/c Jackson always has his mouth open when he is happy, like he is about to talk. It makes me laugh and I thought that name would be cute as a result.

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  8. You are so sweet Skye! Let me tell you when you become a 2nd time mommy, your heart will still burst and you'll be shocked at how much you love them. :) Even when you think you could never love anyone as much. My blog is named after my family too. That's who I am now, me...plus 3!

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  9. I absolutely love your honesty! I have a page on my blog devoted to answering this question ;)

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  10. This post is on my list of "Must reads" for the week today! =)
    http://blmerrill.blogspot.com/2011/02/first-february-fab-friends-friday.html

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  11. Granthamania -THanks - I appreciate that and what a great idea! I wondered about how you got your name truthfully :)

    Karen - I think it does feel good to know you are not alone when you have fears of any kind, especially like those. I think some just will not admit it. It's funny b/c the physical part of my pregnancy was great. I felt really good the whole time, and did not have any issues - felt real good up until about the last few days or so. It was the mental part that killed me LOL.

    Ashley - We are only having one child - but that's another reason why I am glad to document this stuff, so I can look back and never forget how I felt during a certain time. I only wish I had started blogging while I was pregnant.

    Branson - Thank you soooo much for doing that- that is so sweet of you! I am going to check it out now!! :)

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  12. What a lovely and honest post. It's amazing how you can realize your capability of loving someone SOOOO MUCH after meeting your baby for the first time. Things do change and it is the best feeling in the world.

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  13. Kitten - well said & very true.

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